First
arrival in Pondicherry
....
I had tried to get complete mental silence.... (when you have
it, anything can pass through your head without causing the least
ripple), but I had never succeeded. I had tried, but couldn't
do it. I could be silent when I wanted to, but as soon as I stopped
thinking solely of that, stopped wanting only of that, the invasion
resumed and the work had to be done all over again.
That's
all I had told him [Sri Aurobindo] (not in great detail,
in a few words). Then I sat down near him and he began talking
with Richard, about the world, yoga, the future—all
kinds of things—what was going to happen (he already
knew the war would break out; this was 1914, war broke out
in August, and he knew it towards the end of March or early
April). So the two of them talked and talked and talked—great
speculations. It didn't interest me in the least, I didn't
listen. All these things belonged to the past; I had seen
it all (I too had had my vision and revelations). I was
simply sitting beside him on the floor (he was sitting in
a chair with Richard facing him across a table, and they
were talking). I was just sitting there, not listening.
I don't know how long they went on, but all at once I felt
a great Force come into me—a peace, a silence, something
massive! It came, did this (Mother sweeps her hand across
her forehead), descended and stopped here (gesture
at the chest). When they finished talking, I got up and
left. And then I noticed that not a thought remained—I
no longer knew anything or understood anything, I was absolutely
BLANK. So I gave thanks to the Lord and thanked Sri
Aurobindo in my heart.
And
I was very careful not to disturb it; I held it like that
for I don't know how long, eight or tem days. Nothing—not
one idea, not one thought, nothing—a complete BLANK.
In other words, from the outside, it must have looked like
total idiocy.
But
I was living in my inner joy—nothing stirring. I spoke
as little as possible and it was like something mechanical,
it wasn't me. Then slowly, slowly, as though falling drop
by drop, something was built up again. But it had no limits,
it had no… it was vast as universe and wonderfully
still and luminous. Nothing here (the head), but
THERE (gesture above the head); and then everything
began to be seen from there.
And
it has never left me - you know, as a proof of Sri Aurobindo's
power it's incomparable! I don't believe there has ever
been an example of such a (how can I put it?).… such
a total success: a miracle. It has NEVER left me. I went
to Japan, I did all sorts of things, had all possible kinds
of adventures, even the most unpleasant, but it never left
me—stillness, stillness, stillness….
And
it was he who did it, entirely. I didn't even ask him, there
was no aspiration, nothing (there were my previous efforts;
I knew it had to come, that's all). But on that day I hadn't
mentioned it to him, I wasn't thinking about it, I wasn't
doing anything—just sitting there. And outwardly he
seemed to be fully engrossed in his conversation about this
and that and what was going to happen in the world….
That's
the real way.
But I have never been able to do it for anyone—not
like that, with such plenitude—never, never….
It's fantastic! It was stupendous! … Truly we can say
that only the Lord can do such a thing, He alone. Without
the slightest effort, without even seeming to… he didn't
even seem to concentrate, nothing, just like that.
....
25
July 1962
- The Mother
