Monday,
April 19, 1926
This
whole week I tried to withdraw again into the silent mind, but without
much success. I have not yet come back to the point where I was before
the arrival of X.
That great peace is there, behind. I have the feeling of a transparent
milieu. I wonder whether this is not the experience the Christian
mystics describe as the glassy sea and the Japanese as the Crystal
Palace?
THERE
are two principal forms under which one becomes aware of it: one is
analogous to the sensation of a transparent stirless sea and the other
of an ethereal expanse.
Last
time you spoke to me about psychic knowledge and its character of
truth. Does this knowledge concern facts, beings and events of the
manifested world, or simply metaphysical truths?
The
word "metaphysical" indicates a mental knowledge and there
is in psychic knowledge a nearness, a concrete reality very different
from intellectual speculation.
To
say that it brings material knowledge would be wrong, that is not its
field. It transforms the being into a being of truth, into a flame of
aspiration for the truth. Psychic knowledge would be rather a contact,
a feeling. When it is said that the heart knows better than the brain,
one expresses something that would come near it, although there is a
gulf between emotion, feeling and the psyche. The psychic being receives
the truth but does not create it, as opposed to the supramental. There
is a difference between the two.
The
faculty of recognising the truth at first sight comes from intuition,
one of the forms of the lower supramental knowledge. The true knowledge
which never errs is that by identity.
Steiner
distinguishes three degrees of occult knowledge: imaginative, inspired
and unitive; the last, which cannot err, is probably knowledge by
identity?
The
first form of intuition is clothed in mental forms which distort it.
Moreover, the mind is not satisfied with what it receives and it crystallizes
everything around its own accretions. There is something true and much
that is false.
Besides,
the mind learns to pass off its data under the appearance of intuitions.
When the being begins to ask for intuitive knowledge, the personality
sends its desires and prejudices under the guise of intuitions. And
so at the beginning intuitive knowledge is not very sure. Then it develops;
but even before it is brought to perfection, other modes of knowing
develop.
There
are four grades in intuition, the elementary form of supramental truth:
| Intuition |
|
proper,
sporadic and irregular, which brings isolated elements. It gives
the impression of remembering a latent, past or subconscient knowledge. |
| Discernment |
|
Here
there is a process, a non-intellectual work which accepts certain
elements and rejects others. |
| Inspiration |
|
Something
comes from outside and expands within. Analogy of a voice which
speaks in you. |
| Revelation |
|
Analogy
of a vision. |
I thought you would like to join us in the evenings, once or twice a
week (Till November 1926, the disciples used to gather around Sri
Aurobindo in the evenings). Which day suits you?
With
great joy. For me any day is suitable.
I
shall let you know, later, on which days you may come.
Monday,
April 26, 1926
This
week my meditation was better, deeper and more regular. I feel the
force descending into the centres: Anähata and Mülädhära
and even in the legs. At certain moments my legs become stiff. Also
a greater calm which, if I could apply it directly to the mind, would
quieten, by its single descent, the whole mind. Once I happened to
see flashes of light.
You
say your legs become stiff. Do you feel the force descending into the
legs?
In
any case, I become conscious of my legs; the force is doing some work
there.
It
is possible, if you do not feel the force descending there but are only
conscious of your legs, that the force which is trying to descend meets
with an obstacle and that this is the cause of the stiffness you feel.
When the force descends and presses, after the meditation one remains
for a while unable to move. It is such a pressure. One may, however,
remove this inability to move by applying the force itself. But if there
is stiffness, perhaps there is struggle.
The
calm you speak about, what is it?
The
experience is not complete; I know I could make this force act to
calm the mind ; but this is not realised.
All
this work is necessary on all the planes, so as to make possible the
opening and the total awareness.
I
want to say something about smoking. I used to smoke. When I came
here I stopped smoking. But when the Xs came slowly I began again,
just sometimes. Then I stopped once more. Lately, for ten days I have
not smoked. But the desire comes back very strongly. I would like
to get rid of it very much, for I am not its master.
If
the desire is simply nervous it can easily be managed; but if it finds
a support in the vital and the mind, it is more difficult.
In principle there are two methods. The first is to cut off everything
abruptly. To make a firm resolution and by an act of will refuse the
consent. When the desire comes, to withdraw from it and to let it have
its play below, unless one can throw it out also. The desire becomes
weaker and weaker. The other method is to give the desire when it comes
a little satisfaction and then to reject it. To give it a little bhoga.
But one must take care to make this only a means to arrive at the rejection.
Not to indulge in it, for without that the resistance is indefinite.
These are the two methods used by yogis.
I
have fought more or less for several years; but I don't seem to have
come to any result. I want to be free from desire. Then smoking becomes
a matter of indifference.
This is my experience in sexual matters. I had to struggle very hard
for several years. Then the desire vanished abruptly, and left me
quiet. However, I know it is not dead and that if circumstances were
different it could wake up and come to life again.
That
always happens when one fights it out. As for myself, I smoke a little,
but for me it is all the same, and my mind is as calm when I do not
smoke.
But
in my case, I become the slave of tobacco; that is why I want to free
myself from it. Anyway, I am going to do my best.
Monday,
May 3, 1926
Nothing
new in my sadhana. The mind does not fall quiet, although I feel the
force descending into me. It is no longer, as at the outset, vibrating
waves going straight to Mulddhdra. It is now a calmer force which
flows gently and penetrates into me.
Where
does this force come from? From above?
If
I may localise it in space, I should speak of its origin as above
the head. I try, besides, to unite with this force in this place.
Where
is your consciousness?
In
the head.
At
the top of the head?
When
I can disengage myself and forget my body and sensations, my consciousness
can be centred outside. But this is extremely difficult for me.
It
is not necessary to forget one's body. If your consciousness were fixed
in this place, you could continue to receive sense-impressions, but
you would look at them from this place.
I
would see them as outside myself?
At
least as different from the calm zone which would be like an outer layer
of your consciousness.
At
present I am identified rather with this outer layer and I look at
the inner calm layer. But I try to open myself as best I can to this
force. Where is the difficulty? In the mind or in the physical?
It
is in the mind. But often a certain length of time is needed to obtain
the first result. There is nothing for it but to persevere.
In
my efforts to bring about this separation, I give rise to movements
in the nervous fluid, and thus I often have nervous neuralgia.
It
is not useful to make these efforts. It is rather through a calm will
that this separation comes about. When one makes efforts, often headaches
or other little disorders appear.
The mind will not be always calm but there will be one region perpetually
peaceful, inaccessible to movements which reach only the outer part.
Monday,
May 10, 1926
Not
much change. My mind seems to be more and more outside myself and
I can look at its activities unmoved. It seeks to profit by everything
to cling to its old way of feeling and acting; but even its sudden
starts do not disturb me any longer as they used to do formerly.
To
get this calm, which rests on the perception of the immutable Purusha,
is the beginning of realisation.
Some
days ago I had an experience during the night. I woke up about half
an hour after midnight and, whilst coming back into my physical consciousness,
the memory was transformed into a dream; here it is. I was driving
a car on a great wide road. In the car, several people, among others
Mother and X. It was Mother who was directing me past ambushes with
which the road was sown. Carriages passing in all directions, men
ambushed to fire at us. "Take care of this", "Look
out there", she was saying. I had a revolver within my reach....
It seems to me that this symbolises a passage through hostile forces.
In this passage, I remember that at one moment X said, looking at
me, "He is drowning, he is drowning". Immediately I perceived
that I was being dragged away by these forces. At once I called the
divine force which descended through the Sahasrära right down
to the two lower chakras. With the help of this force, I pushed back
the hostile forces and set myself afloat again. A little later I woke
up. But for some time I was aware that the hostile forces were trying
to force the wall and I pushed them back in the same way. The two
lower centres were vibrating rapidly.
Carriages,
horses and other symbols of movement indicate progress in occult evolution.
This is a symbol of the vital plane.
Does
the fact that I woke up mean that I was not able to sustain the effort?
Not
at all. If you had not awakened, you would probably not have kept any
remembrance of this.
Quite
true.
(Then I passed on to another subject)
The evening talks on science and occultism interest me extremely.
That was for long one of my ideals: to work for the union between
science and occultism. But a moment came when I had to give up my
ideals, as all the rest, to the Lord of Yoga. But it is possible a
time may come when once again I could work at it.
Indeed,
in Yoga, one must give up everything, all ideals even as all desires.
A moment comes when what is true in the being, what is not mental but
deeper, and which must be used by the Divine,—the moment comes
when this is awakened. This happens when the force descends into the
physical plane. What was mental or vital is rejected, but the true forms
of action continue.
