Monday,
May 17, 1926
This
week was a little better than the former ones; the mind and vital
were more submissive and the meditation more easy. But nothing new
or particular. At times, when the mind is quite calm, it gives me
the feeling of transparency, like a...jelly.
A
Jelly?
That
is the word which best expresses what I mean.
Does
the mind remain immobile of itself, without your putting pressure on
it?
No,
not yet; but there is, however, an automatic inner movement which
puts me as observer before my mind...
This
calm is necessary before calling down something higher, so as not to
be disturbed by the invasion of thoughts.
Monday,
May 24, 1926
The
difficulty always comes from the mechanical part of the mind, it clings
to everything it can find: small things of daily life, books, purchases,
etc., and embroiders and builds upon these data. Nevertheless, there
is a certain progress in the way I look at its activity; it seems
more external.
You
will not be able to free yourself completely from this mechanical activity
until you have accomplished the transformation of the physical. Till
then you will be able to stop it at will, during meditation, for instance.
You will see it as outside yourself and have a certain influence on
its line of unfoldment; but you won't be entirely free from it.
I
suppose I take too great an interest in these things: that is what
enables my mind to get fastened to them. The highest parts of my mind
have fallen silent: I no longer have any interest in spiritual books,
like the Bhagavad-Gita or others. Only this mechanical part remains
active.
Because
this is the most difficult to handle. Moreover, the physical consciousness
always takes interest in these things. And even if they were not in
you, they fill the surrounding atmosphere. Unless one follows the Sannyasins,
one must fight like you.
But this is rather a negative thing and one must not attach too great
an importance to it. A positive experience is more important; that is,
either the deep calm or the light from above. And these will quite naturally
remove the rest of this mechanical activity. You must aim at this.
Is
there a centre near the heart?
No.
All the centres are in a straight line. That which is called "the
heart centre" is at the solar plexus. Manipura is behind the navel.
They are joined to the vertebral column.
Steiner
speaks, besides the solar plexus, of the heart centre.
That
is a mistake.
My
body feels the effects of the heat. These days I was tired. Also,
I did my meditation lying down. Is there any objection to that?
You
can meditate in any position whatever. I meditate often whilst walking.
You
spoke about going out "in the vital body" and "in the
mental body". What does the latter phrase mean?
When
the vital body leaves the physical, the latter remains in trance, but
if it is only the mind, this does not happen. The mind leaves, for instance,
in meditation, and goes on a visit to certain places or certain planes.
It can observe things there and even make itself felt. It is not even
the whole mind which goes out thus, but a central portion, so to say.
There are no dangers as of trance. If you are awakened, the mind comes
back immediately without danger. It is not the same if the vital itself
has gone out. A link ties it to the physical. As it is the life, if
this thread is cut, death results. An abrupt recall is also dangerous.
As
a rule, it is better to acquire a certain experience of the mental going-out
and a mental knowledge of the planes before attempting the exit in the
vital body.
So
in this yoga the going-out in the mental body precedes that in the
vital body?
Yes,
but both these are yet subordinate to the spiritual experience which
is much more important.
I
understand that the spiritual experience is fundamental and that the
rest is necessary simply because the perfection must be reached on
all the planes.
Monday,
May 31, 1926
My
meditation is becoming deeper and more detached from the external
world. At certain times I succeed in watching myself thinking. Thought
does not yet seem to me as external; but I can nevertheless consider
this activity as objective. I am also quite aware that thought is
an altogether superficial activity and that it does not affect the
deeper layers of my being but remains on the surface.
When the meditation becomes deep, my feet start aching.
What
kind of sensation do you have?
At
the same time like a pressure and a pulling out. Is it perhaps the
vital being rising up to separate itself?
It
may be that, or possibly it is a modification which is generally produced
when the divine force transforms gradually even the physical substance.
This substance is impure and cannot receive the impulsion without a
previous transformation.
Is
it the physical matter itself which changes or the life of this matter?
It
is a cellular modification found above all within the vital and mental
parts of the cells; but even physical matter shares in it.
In
my meditations there are several inner attitudes which I can take
and each one generates certain vital currents.
What
attitudes, for instance?
I
can try to take the stand of witness of the mental activity; I can
attempt to climb higher and hold fast to the uppermost position of
my being. I can call the force down. In my last meditations, for instance,
it was not above the head that I was centred but behind the solar
plexus, in the depth and not on the height.
It
is the region of the psychic being which is behind the "heart"
(solar plexus). Here is one of the occult centres and it is this one
that governs the ordinary man. You must also become conscious in the
one above the head whence the central being governs everything.
But
are not all these currents conflicting? I produce them blindly without
knowing their effects. Which of these attitudes is good?
All.
All this is good. You must only watch what happens. The solar centre
and that in the head must cooperate in the perfect mastery of the instruments.
Each has its role.
Should
this attitude of witness of mental changes be held in all circumstances
of ordinary life? At present, in these conditions I can manage only
less important, semi-automatic activities. As soon as a certain attention
is necessary, I get lost once again in action.
But
this is not indispensable. It is a question of habit. You have not yet
conquered the illusion which sees you as the doer. Naturally this witness
attitude is necessary, it is a first step. All the parts of the mind
can thus be made automatic. And from above one watches them, one can
stop or modify them.
It
is then a perfect mastery of the instruments. But in me this automatic
activity is not yet sufficiently developed and I can entrust to it
only less important tasks. Though there is already a progress in this.
Monday,
June 7, 1926
There
are cycles in my meditations: good periods and others when it is more
difficult. At present I can quieten the mind quite well, detach myself
from it and try to penetrate into a region which I feel above it.
My mind now seems to me like a small portion of my real being. But
there is above me a sort of veil which will not yield and which prevents
me from going through. And when I succeed in thus quietening the mind
and trying to penetrate it, I am aware of a pain, or rather of a sensation
in the legs and feet, which thenceforth draws the attention of my
being. I cannot separate myself from it, for the more efforts I make,
the stronger does this sensation become.
There
are parts in your physical consciousness which hold you back. You may
be conscious of them or not. But when you try to pierce the veil, they
hold you back. You are not ready. Also, it is necessary for the force
from above to descend and prepare your lower consciousness. This veil
may be crossed from below; but that is more difficult and everybody
cannot do it. But if the force descends from above, it can remove it.
Hence, to open yourself to this force is the first necessity.
It
means then that I should take a passive attitude and not try to centre
my consciousness above.
The aim naturally is to lift yourself above the mind, but the force
must prepare what is not ready. Even if the mind is calm, these imperfections
hold you back.
What
is the difference between the psychic being behind the heart-centre
and the central being above the head? Are they two beings or one single
being?
Naturally,
from one point of view, they are one. But your being, though one, is
composed of many distinct beings. Just as your mental being is different
from your physical or vital beings, so the psychic being, the soul,
is different from the central being.
The
psychic being is the transmitter which receives the light and transmits
it to the lower personality. It is that which remains at the back and
governs the personality. The psychic being is in direct communication
with the truth, which it organises and transmits to the outer being.
The central being cannot organise the truth: it is above all evolution.
It is the psychic being which develops spiritually through the different
personalities.
It
is then the central being which is above space and time and behind
that which evolves through the successive personalities?
Yes.
The psychic being is only the soul which develops, which holds and prepares
the personality. The central being has no direct action; it presides
and watches.
Yesterday
evening I dined at the Xs. I narrated how the house of C. S. had burnt
down. Mme. X began to think over this accident. Suddenly she felt
a very unpleasant emanation which she described as being reddish-brown,
nauseating. Indeed, I too had an unpleasant feeling. Then I returned
home and went out again to the sea-side. Suddenly I was aware of the
same unpleasant sensation. It was as if some entity was trying to
bring about something evil. And I felt that I had to remain attentive,
on my guard. By keeping the contact with my inner being, I was able
to reject that easily.
She
has as a matter of fact written about it, this morning. Mme. X is very
sensitive to these influences. But there is no reason for you to become
so, for you are not yet ready to work on the physical plane. It is infinitely
better not to enter into contact with them but reject them.
It
is probable that she has no connection with C.S.'s affairs; but all
these influences hold together and to think of one calls up others.
Is
it not an imagination?
No,
there was probably nothing imaginative in it. But you ought not to have
anything to do with these forces. Throw them off vehemently, far away
from you.
I
did not try to enter into contact with them.
Some days ago, I dreamt that someone raised up a snake with his stick.
Then he told me: take care, don't move, this snake is venomous. So
I remained still, and the snake passed by my side without touching
me.
It
was a warning. But there is no need to stir up snakes with sticks.
