Saturday,
September 4, 1926
This
week has not been as favourable as the last one. And it is a curious
fact, for last week I was very busy outside; but when I came home,
I entered easily into meditation, body, vital and mind submitted to
it. It may be that I am now going through the consequences of the
disturbance, consequences which did not appear at first. My body is
slothful, my mind is restless. So there is not much to say.
What is the reason of the fact that progress is always made by fits
and starts, never straightforwardly?
It
is always so. Different movements enter into play at different times—the
important thing would be to discern whence they come. And the most obstinate
movements always recur until they are completely transformed.
You
spoke of two ways. One direct to the supermind through the mind, the
other by the opening of the psychic being. Are they really two different
paths? And what are their characteristics?
Yes,
there are two movements. Sometimes the mind opens first to the light
and the supermind works then through the mind and uses the machinery
of mind. Sometimes the psychic being, which is always behind—without
a psychic aspiration nothing in this Yoga is possible—comes forward.
There is then no mental illumination, but a burning fire which turns
the whole being upwards. It makes then the progress easy. Afterwards
of course the whole machinery of nature is also directed from above,
but the mental movement is not the chief one.
What
is the nature of Carpenter's illumination? (Edward Carpenter, 1844-1929,
English writer and social reformer whose later works express in particular
a certain perception of the unity of all existence.)
It
is difficult to say, I don't know him.
But
judging from his writing…
It
does not indicate much—for it may be only an awakening of the intuitive
mind.
Sometimes
my aspiration is very intense, but when the mind resumes again its
working, it covers it to some extent.
Mind
must remain, but mind must be transformed. And so also with the vital
and the physical. They must completely yield themselves and not
only accept the pressure which is put by the mind.
This
I understand now. From my experience with the theosophists I can say
that they try only to overrule the lower bodies by the mind, but never
try to go into these levels and transform them. I understand that
the consciousness of these planes must yield to the higher light and
accept by itself the transformation.
I suppose that in my case I am following the way through the mind?
Yes,
the mental movement is predominant. That is why it is slow.
(Smiling)…
But it does not mean unfitness!
Not
at all. There are always difficulties—in each case—for instance
when the vital and physical are opening ; for everything that is there
concealed comes out.
In
my case the central acceptation is done and I think that even the
vital and physical accept the change.
But
the question is whether they accept it for themselves or on account
of the pressure put upon them by the mind.
…!
…that I don't know.
Now, will you tell me something about the photos?
Not
very favourable.
?
She
is a vital woman. She moves only on the vital plane.
I
knew that. But is there nothing psychic about her?
I
don't see anything. Mental aspiration there may be, but it is not sufficient.
I may say that she is not safe in the spiritual life.
But
will not a time come when she will open to something higher?
What
do you mean by a time?
I
mean in this life…
Everything
is possible. It would be rather a miracle.
There
is something curious. They could have come here. They had the opportunity
of doing so. She went to Europe, landed at Colombo but did not come
here. He is now going back from the Far-East, but crosses Siberia...
I
don't know much about him, but she is not intended for this place.
Then
it is better not to try to bring them to this Yoga?
Yes,
you should leave them to follow their path.
Saturday,
September 11, 1926
In
mediation I feel myself distinct from the mind. I can see my mind
working. But the curious thing is that my mind seems to remain connected
with the body and I watch it from outside. I see from outside the
form-building mind, the speaking mind, and when sounds come from outside,
they appear to happen inside that mind. But all this is in the body,
so to say, and I am in front of my body, looking at it. Not from above.
When
the force comes down, it has a dissolving power over the mental formations.
I can now use this power for placing before the force the mental formations
I want to get rid of. This power liberates me and I feel a sensation
akin to floating. I never go above, but forward—but I never succeed
in cutting all connection with the active mind and moving freely on
my own plane.
It
is not a usual movement. Generally one goes above the body or finds
some broadness where there is no location of consciousness.
I
don't feel this wideness—of course I cannot be very positive
about the location of my consciousness. As soon as I try to think
of this location in space I find myself again within the body. Is
this movement to be encouraged?
I
suppose it is a movement on the mental plane, but we have to see.
As
I said I am conscious of the dissolving power of the force coming
from above. It goes down to the navel centre and works from there.
I cannot say yet how it works. But, at times, a sense of vital power
rises.
I
am fully conscious from above of vital movements rising. For instance
a movement of pride arises. It comes out from the navel. And I realise
it as distinct from myself. But what shall I do with it? Up to the
present time I merely tried to force it down and bar its coming into
the conscious field. But I think it is not right.
No.
That is what people ordinarily do. But it simply suppresses the vital
movements. You have to call down the same power that dissolves the mental
formations and apply it to open the vital. You have to watch and understand
the movements, see how they rise, what supports them in nature. The
full understanding of this is necessary.
I
did so instinctively. And I offer these movements, impure as they
may be, to the Divine, that he may transform them.
Mother
told me yesterday that the awakening of the psychic in me depended
much upon an attitude of mine. Can you tell me something more about
this attitude?
She
did not say anything else?
No.
…It
is difficult to say. (Silence) this attitude can only become
permanent when the mental is no longer the prominent factor in life.
It all comes to the same thing…. You have to rely upon the power
that comes from above and realise that it is something more than a power….
The
divine as personality?
We
are always using mental words that mislead. Yes, it is true that it
is the support of all personality. The Vedantic standpoint of the impersonal
absolute, which has spread so much in the later years, is only one aspect
of the truth. It applies very much to the mind, especially to the modern
mind, but when the consciousness rises above mind, it is clearly seen
as a partial aspect of the truth. It is the power that has personality
as a guna. It uses the impersonal to rise above the limited egoism of
our personalities. The impersonal view of the divine is somewhat larger
than our personal conception, limited by our mind. But it is mind that
limits personality. It has an existence above mind. You have to recognise
that the power is not a mere power.
It
is true that, for the present, I only see it as a working power.
Because
you are always in the mind. But when the psychic opens you cannot retain
this standpoint. It becomes too vivid and too real.
Have
I to rise in the supermind for that?
The
psychic opening will raise you to that.
Up
to my coming here I stuck to the Vedantic idea of impersonality and
even now I cannot realise with the mind what is truly meant by divine
personality. How can the mind take the right attitude?
It
can call for it. When it will get a glimpse of it, it will more easily
put itself in the right movement.
Last
night I had a dream:
I was with others, probably sadhaks, and Mother was there. I was given
a book. This book was written in French, but in purely a phonetic
way, not taking any account of the orthographic rules. Even some new
phonetic signs were used. It was new to me and somehow I had the idea
it was written by you, Mother and P. R. I could not understand anything
of it. Looking through the book I noticed some misprints. I showed
them to Mother who said, "It is strange. I took so much care
to have it corrected before having it printed". I also asked
for some information from you who were in the adjoining room. You
answered me in Sanskrit, which I could not understand. I went to you.
You were in bed, and as far as I remember taking breakfast. I bowed
to you with very deep feelings of devotion and aspiration and remained
sometime prostrated with a blank mind. Then you touched me with your
hand and I underwent a change of consciousness of which I don't remember
anything. After sometime I came down again. You kissed me twice and
I departed with very high feelings. The vividness of the dream and
the strength of the feelings struck me. I awoke; it was half past
two.
As for the book, I don't see very well. It may have been something of
the past. Something took place probably on the vital plane, and it is
not always easy to interpret.
But
did I come into your presence?
Not
to the physical. Some vital happening occurred and that is why you saw
me in such a way.
Why
was it so vivid?
Once
you enter the mental and vital planes, they are as real as the physical.
Perhaps
some mixture came from my mind with regard to the book. But the last
part was of a different character.
I related the dream to Mother. She said:
This
is not surprising. We spoke of you several times during the day yesterday,
in connection with the difficulties of the western mind. Even yesterday
evening, concerning something which happened in you during the evening
gathering and of which you are perhaps not conscious. Also it is not
surprising that there was some thought on his side about you. And as
I too spoke with you yesterday, on your side also there was aspiration…
So much the better, this shows that the time is drawing near when you
will be able to receive the light. Keep what you have received.
Tuesday,
September 14, 1926
Mother
spoke with A.G. about my difficulties in meditation. Today she took
me aside and we meditated together for half an hour, at 4.30. The
force prepared above my head, then descended, particularly to the
level of the mind and tried to open the mind. Outer thoughts were
kept at a distance, though they tried to penetrate.
The day was not particularly well chosen, for I have been meditating
with difficulty since some days.
Later, after having heard what I had felt, Mother told me:
Yes, the force descended. It descended right to your feet; but in the
lower regions it was rather outside than within.
At
the beginning you had a very strong aspiration. Then something must
have disturbed you; all the time there remained a peaceful and calm
aspiration. You have a power of aspiration but it has been almost completely
strangled by the mind.
The
force which descended at first is a force of wisdom, of pure knowledge
which descended to the level of the solar plexus. There, there was a
sort of order to open the mind. There was an opening but it had a geometrical
form: a triangle. And within, a sort of representation of the idea you
have formed of the divine.
A
force of calm, a silence, descended afterwards. You say you did not
feel it. Yet it was there and you will perhaps feel it soon. Much more
descended than what you are aware of at present. But it is not lost
for the subconscious and it will be realised little by little. There
is in you a great capacity of calmness, which may serve as a useful
base for a descent and subsequent manifestation.
Yet
in that, in this calm, there was Ananda.
There was some response in the lower centre, but the response was feeble
and mostly recorded by the subconscient.
In
short, I do not think this will take very long now. There is a certain
rigidity in the mind, but that is common to all westerners.
Did
the force descend as far as the vital plane also?
Yes,
naturally, and even on the physical, but outside you rather than within.
There
is certainly a great difference from my ordinary meditations. Now
I feel, perhaps better than during the meditation, that there is something
there quite close, which descended.
Saturday,
September 18, 1926
Mother
must have told you about our meditation of last Tuesday. After the
meditation I felt very deeply the presence of a great calm force which
was behind me. It did not enter my consciousness but I felt it nevertheless
backing me.
When
in meditation, the divine force comes readily down. It works through
the navel centre on the vital and also it seems on the physical. There
is not any powerful vibration of the lowest centre, but I feel as
if a force was expanding in the physical itself. It seems to me quiet
distinct from the vital.
You
say it expands?
…I
would rather say it permeates the subtle physical part of the body.
But I am not perfectly sure of it. Let us wait and see.
Behind
the chest centre, which is always very active, I feel the presence
of something and from there my aspiration goes above and unites with
the force coming down. I see a kind of connecting line between this
center and the top of the head. It is a straight line. Is there anything
like that?
It
means that your psychic aspiration is rising and calls the force down.
A connection is formed. At the end all the centres will be connected
in that way.
My
mind is still active on the old lines. How is it that it does not
stop!
The
old habit recurs! But it does not matter much as long as the aspiration
is able to bring down the force. The mind by itself could not do much;
but the force that comes from the Divine is more powerful.
Now,
I will be more busy outside with this new work in the archives. I
hope it will not disturb me...
It
is not an absorbing work!
Of
course not, as soon as it is over I forget all about it. But it seems
that the work that best suits me is teaching. As regard teaching in
the college, the governor has met an opposition in Mr. V…the
director.
He
is completely in the hands of the priests.
I
hope in time to get something there. It would suit me better than
the present work.
Saturday,
September 25, 1926
Meditation
has become easier. It is more substantial, more vivid. Up to now it
had always been hard and difficult, a pressure erected by the mind.
Now a certain interest is found in meditation itself.
That
it has become more vivid is due to the fact that the vital is opening.
The
principal fact is that the force comes down to the physical. It is
felt by the physical consciousness and the pressure acts especially
over the centre of the knees and legs. The pressure is so strong that
I am now lying down during meditation. At certain times I feel a pressure
above and behind me. It is not a punctual pressure (it is not a single
point of consciousness) but I feel it, touch it so to say, not only
in relation with the head centre but also with the heart centre. What
this pressure is I don't know. It is formless, but gives me a strong
feeling of peace, calm and bliss. My feelings are also roused. What
is it?
(Smiling)
you have to wait and see what is beginning to manifest itself. Do you
feel it especially at meditation time?
Yes.
But also when I turn my inner touch towards it I can feel it at other
times. There is
nothing else to say.
