Saturday,
November 6, 1926
During
the first part of the week I was disturbed by some movements of the
vital which were possibly due to a hostile influence. And even when
the possibility of the influence was removed some anxiety was still
felt, due perhaps only to the novelty of the movement. But later this
anxiety was thrown away and calm came again.
The chief difficulty is always the activity of the mind. It is neither
possible to quiet it completely nor to stand aside from it. Even when
for some very short time it does not interfere with the concentrations
it is not truly quiet and resumes its activity at the very first opportunity.
It seems to me that if it were possible to quiet it, progress would
be rapid, for concentration would be easy. Now I am always disturbed
and concentration is very imperfect.
This activity of the physical mind will only be completely transformed
when the physical itself will be changed, but what should be arrived
at is that during meditation, it be simply dropped off.
But
what of the activity of the mind that observes what is going on and
expresses it? Shall I try to suppress it?
Not suppress, but simply discard it. But there are movements of the
mind more true in character, that are reflections from above and bear
some stamp of truth. Are these not of this kind?
I
don't think so. There is nothing of a special true character in them.
They are ordinary mental movements, as far as I can see.
Nowadays at the beginning of every meditation I call in the force
to effect this silencing of the mind and, open to it, let it work
it out. I suppose this is correct.
Yes,
it is.
(silence)
What
did you say to Mme. X.?
I
told her what you said, but as coming from me. I told her that you
would not allow any of us to make any political move and that from
the very beginning you have kept the same attitude. I suggested that
a third party should go and meet these gentlemen from Ch. and hint
at what was behind the present situation, explaining also the attitude
of the Governor and of X's family towards us. And I said that if their
suspicion had been aroused, they would have come here for information
and that they would have been told the truth, etc., etc., ...
Nolini
told me that she said she was surprised that we would not move for them
after what they did for us.
No.
I did not mean that. I said simply that I took care to explain in the
right way in order to avoid such feeling.
They must understand that I cannot and will not take any step in any
political affair.(Let us recall that Sri Aurobindo was a political
refugee in French India and that the British would have been only too
happy to seize the least opportunity to obtain his extradition.)
And what they might expect from me is purely spiritual. The only thing
they can expect for the help they gave you and Mme. Z. is a spiritual
return. And if they can receive it, it is all right. My only action
is on a spiritual plane and when I decide to act in a case like this,
it is from above. When C. R. came to me asking for help I did not act
otherwise. For sometime he remained open and was able to receive something.
He succeeded in all he did and even recovered from ill health. After
sometime he severed the connection. He had asked me for some public
recognition, some public blessing, etc. This I refused to give. And
if the Xs use the power for public good ... But you know how the political
atmosphere is corrupt here!
May
I tell her this?
Well!
by and by, and if the opportunity offers itself. You may tell her that
I have retired completely from physical action for the present and am
engaged only in spiritual work.
Saturday,
November 6, 1926
Interview
with Mother
7p.m.
The day was calm and peaceful. During my meditation this evening,
all the work was in the outer consciousness. A peaceful and calm light
descended which filled all the upper part of the body, without it
being possible to tell exactly whence it emanated. And a work of calming
went on in the outer mind. The lowest centre was also active—in
short, the entire outer consciousness. In this case I make no effort
to concentrate within myself.
Mother
: Yes, naturally it is necessary to follow the movement of the force.
It is a work of stopping this outer consciousness so that there would
be only one consciousness henceforth.
There
is an entire part of the mind which always remains active, it is that
which observes. Rather the one which formulates what I observe in
words. It follows the experience and expresses it. I can't stop it.
For
the moment that does not matter. You are not conscious of a thing except
when it is expressed in words. For the moment this is still necessary.
But
later even that must disappear?
You
will be conscious directly, without this intermediary. Naturally for
expression words will always be necessary. But even then the mind is
no longer required.
When he wrote the Arya, his mind was absolutely silent, passive.
The consciousness was high above in the supermind, and only that kind
of consciousness which is in the hand formed the words. He was conscious
of them as they were being expressed. From the intellectual point of
view the Arya is perfect: clarity, order, logic. And yet the
mind has no part in it. That does not mean that the mind is useless.
It has certain useful activities, but it is a ...
(here,
eight pages are torn out)
...?
(The beginning of this conversation with Mother is torn out.)
Mother : ... manifestation.
It
is not possible that some mental elements come from one source and
others from another?
Yes,
but this is not generally important. In some cases, as in Egypt for
instance, there was an advanced occult knowledge. Certain men accumulated
a mental occult knowledge which remained there, quite ready. And when
you enter into contact with it, it is at your disposal. But such cases
are rare. Generally, these are tendencies or perhaps it is a faculty
or some more or less important remembrance.
This
divine aspect is, in short, the individual Higher Self?
You
are speaking of the jiva, the individual element which persists and
presides over the reincarnations ? It is more than that. These jivas,
mostly, except for certain very rare cases, are like emanations of divine
beings who have put forth outside themselves numerous jivas. And it
is these jivas that incarnate.
In your case the divine aspect in question has put itself forth in jivas.
But there is one of these which represents more directly this aspect—as
the direct projection or emanation by which it will find its fulfilment.
And this jiva, from what I can see, has already incarnated thrice upon
earth, you would be the fourth. When an emanation like this prepares
and chooses its vehicle, that preparation is made all the same under
the distant guidance of this force. And often there are certain tendencies
in childhood which cannot be understood till the day one becomes conscious
of the aim of one's life. Then these tendencies, sometimes quite opposed
to the milieu, to heredity, take on their raison d'être.
Besides, it is only when one penetrates the depths of consciousness
that one really becomes aware of the reason of things.
And
what is there behind you is your real Self, clothed with all the experiences
of a terrestrial life.
(The
folloaring note is part of a preceding page torn from Pavitra's notebook:
Mother:
At the beginning it (the jiva in question or the real "Self")
remained behind. But gradually as your consciousness grew clear, it
came close. I spoke to you about it only when your consciousness was
sufficiently transparent for you to begin to perceive.)
Saturday,
November 13, 1926
My
vital being begins to take part fully in the meditation. And I have
the sensation that my consciousness extends from the head to the feet,
like a transparent and calm medium. It would be quite limpid if the
physiological sensations of sight would stop, which they do sometimes
but not always.
Then I have the consciousness of a presence behind me, the sensation
of which is a duplicate of my consciousness. Even I feel it as if
it were of the same size as my physical body and it presses to unite
with my outer consciousness.
Today the unification was nearly done., though I did not experience
any change of consciousness. I have the impression it came into me
and only a slight touch would have been required to awake my full
consciousness of it.
This luminous consciousness, is it not the physical consciousness
? I mean the whole physical, physical mind, vital and body?
It
is, I suppose, the normal consciousness, including the physical, and
the consciousness behind is the inner one, which tries to unite with
the outer one.
I
became also conscious of the movements of the vital which we may call
egoistic movements. They rise from the vital and become conscious
at the emotional centre. The thoughts by themselves have no character
of vanity or selfishness, but when dwelling on certain thoughts, vital
movements of this character appear and I cannot stop them. I suppose
they will disappear?
Yes.
The first thing is to become conscious that they do not come from the
mind. Then when the mind is free from them and the emotional being sufficiently
free, they rise but don't cloud the mind. They are then located in their
proper place and by refusing them the consent and calmly putting them
aside they will disappear. Most men cannot get rid of them because they
cannot make this separation and are not conscious of this rising.
I
feel as before something very deep and grand.
Yes.
(Here,
several pages of conversations with Mother are torn out.)
...philosopher's
stone. And they said that this stone could even transform the physical
body. Does this not prove a realisation in the physical?
Mother:
Yes. This is something that has always been known, this possibility
of transformation. But their vision was very partial. They were rather
the scientists of the age.
What did you see yesterday?
My
physical eyes did not see anything special. But I felt very powerfully
the force and majesty.
One
must not expect to see a complete change. Yet, some see very different
aspects.
I
saw a luminosity, a halo.
Yes,
it scarcely goes further. Still, some see changing aspects.
I
saw in fact modifications of the shadows of faces which could give
this idea of successive changes; but as this was unsteady, I did not
pay much attention to it.
There
are different aspects which manifest successively. The modifications
are still imperfect, for the flesh and what is most physical is not
transformed; it penetrates into the blood. Yesterday it was above all
the wisdom aspect which manifested in all its power—the knowledge
in the Word.
There is quite a work going on in your eyes. You feel it ?
Yes.
I have spoken about it several times.
All
depends on how much your outer consciousness is united with the inner.
When you have overcome the difficulties of your outer being, you will
pass through a progressive initiation. I shall show you, through the
eyes, all that is there in the universe .... You will then see the exact
place of all these things.
You must get rid of all these difficulties.
Is
there something special I should do?
The
best thing, as you know, is to open yourself and ask that it be done.
Saturday,
November 20, 1926
I
suppose she must have told you the way 1 am going on.
Yes.
There
is nothing much that's important to add. I am conscious of the process
of identification with that greater consciousness which is behind
me; but it is not yet done. The difficulty resides always in the outer
consciousness and the mechanical part of the mind which carries me
away.
That
is again the old story. You are paying too much attention to these workings.
I
am not trying to suppress them by force. But is it really that they
have no importance?
It
is only an outer working which will be left and cast away in the process.
This outer being is only the aggregate of what belongs to this life-time
with a personality that is not your true personality.
How
will it disappear?
When
the inner consciousness will be fully awake, it will absorb the outer
one. Or what cannot be absorbed will be rejected. There is no doubt
that the change will occur.
You
spoke of your experience with Lele.(Vishnu Bhaskar Lele a "temporary
guru" whom Sri Aurobindo met in December 1907 and with whom he
spent three days in meditation. At the end of the third day Sri Aurobindo
had the experience of Nirvana.)
At that time did this mechanical working stop?
Yes.
Everything had stopped. But everybody cannot do it. I could do it because
there had always been a tendency to calm in my being and because I became
aware of the thoughts coming from outside. When I rejected them the
calm descended upon me. Everything appears in the mind but does not
evoke any response in it. I see, I hear, but no responses are awakened.
At that time a complete silence came down. Everything that happened
was like a cinema. After that I had to take things back again into me,
but in their right place.
So,
this should not be expected for me?
It
will come, as a thing pressed from above. But it may not come in the
beginning. Of course the faculty of silence at will is needed and has
to come.
Up
to now no fundamental change in consciousness has occurred. I feel
that my mind is deeper, has some deep background behind. I am more
and more conscious of the working of the forces in me. But no radical
change yet.
(The
last ten pages of Pavitra's note-book are torn out.)
